Every time I rediscover Alanis Morissette, I love her more.
"Not All Me"
I wear their faces all on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly fueled rage
I bare the brunt of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on
Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
With my dignity in place?
I'm all too happy to assuage
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on
Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I stay to my limit
And only take on what is mine to
We are a team
I'm here to help mend and reseam
All I trigger unknowingly
A job I hold in high esteem
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on
It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Stepping Back
I've always thought "taking a step back" was a good idea when processing a problem. You get a sense of the bigger issue, you see things from a new point of view, and you can distance yourself from the emotions involved with whatever it is you're thinking about.
The thing is, sometimes when you take a step back, you can't see the problem anymore.
Take my house, for example. From across the street, it looks great. Green grass, pretty color on the outside, fun little gables and a white picket fence. (No kidding.) But when you step a little closer you can see some of the stuff that really needs to have some attention. There's a corner of the lawn that's all crabgrass. The planter around the mailbox needs mulch. Some of the trim by the door is rotting. On the whole, the house looks pretty good, but those little problems add up, and you can't just leave them until you can tell from across the street that your house is a mess.
I've been working on getting my "house" in order. That's part of why I'm doing my 30 Before 30 list-- it's just the little push I need to try new things and get out of my various ruts. And I'm doing my best to look at the pieces of my life that maybe other people can't see from across the street. Those things are important, and they need maintenance just as much as a caved in roof or a completely dead lawn.
And maybe you don't (and can't) understand what they are to me, and why I have to do what I have to do, because you're a step too far back. I'm working on being ok with that.
The thing is, sometimes when you take a step back, you can't see the problem anymore.
Take my house, for example. From across the street, it looks great. Green grass, pretty color on the outside, fun little gables and a white picket fence. (No kidding.) But when you step a little closer you can see some of the stuff that really needs to have some attention. There's a corner of the lawn that's all crabgrass. The planter around the mailbox needs mulch. Some of the trim by the door is rotting. On the whole, the house looks pretty good, but those little problems add up, and you can't just leave them until you can tell from across the street that your house is a mess.
I've been working on getting my "house" in order. That's part of why I'm doing my 30 Before 30 list-- it's just the little push I need to try new things and get out of my various ruts. And I'm doing my best to look at the pieces of my life that maybe other people can't see from across the street. Those things are important, and they need maintenance just as much as a caved in roof or a completely dead lawn.
And maybe you don't (and can't) understand what they are to me, and why I have to do what I have to do, because you're a step too far back. I'm working on being ok with that.
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