Panic, Duct Tape, and Tinkering

I've been in full panic mode for weeks. I didn't know it at the time, but I was. Full panic mode for me involves a lot of thinking about the worst possible outcome, a lot of knee-jerking to avoid said worst possible outcome, and a lot of trying to hold it together in public. It's exhausting. It leaves no room for anything but panic. Everything gets binary: There are two choices and only two. One is right, one is wrong. Pick the right one or you're doomed. And this causes more panic. It's a dirty-irty trick, Templeton.

I did some thinking on what let me break out of panic mode. Part of it was realizing that I just can't function that way for very long, but I think a bigger part of it was getting it out here on this blog and getting more involved with the Betties (who have a fabulous new community page, by the way, if anyone is interested in dropping by). I may have underestimated the power of telling a few good friends what's really going on in your life. When a few people know, your panic isn't a secret anymore, and it kind of loses some power-- or at least some momentum.

The best thing about not being in full panic mode is that now I can really starting doing some work, because all my energy isn't going to just holding things together. We Betties like the metaphor, so here's one: I can let go of the pieces I was afraid were going to fall off any second... and tinker. Tinkering? Is so much more satisfying than holding everything together with duct tape just so you can get through the day. I may actually end up with an engine that runs, and not one where I have to continually stick hoses back into the right places every time I start the car. (I had a car like that once. Man it was a lot of work.)

Let the tinkering begin!