What the Girl Wants

Dr. Sara pointed out that I have to start being ok with being selfish. My kneejerk is always, "I don't want to be selfish. And if I feel like I'm being selfish, I will work really hard to do the opposite." But, she pointed out, wisely, that everyone is selfish, and there's no point in lying to yourself about what you really want. You don't always have to get what you want, but you'll be healthier if you at least admit what it is.

The emotional part of this is really hard for me. When I want you to shut up and listen to me and not talk about your problems, I am not going to tell you that. In fact, I'm not even going to admit it to myself. I'm going to convince myself that I am an excellent listener and that my role is to let you talk.

So how do I get to a place where I can at least be honest with myself?

I'm reading Boundaries by Anne Katherine and one of the exercises is to, for a day at first, take note of every physical need/want you have and meet it as soon as you can. This means that if you are hungry, you go eat a snack. If you are tired, you take a break or go for a walk. Etc., etc. Sounds simple, but I don't always do it. You know what, though? Taking care of physical wants is a lot easier than taking care of the emotional ones, and I think it's an ok way to get started. Bonus? Feeling empowered to take care of myself physically makes me want to start taking better care of myself emotionally, too.

So, we'll see how this goes. I'm letting myself take it slow, and I'm patting myself on the back for going for a walk Saturday because I felt like it, and for taking a break from my homework Sunday morning to eat breakfast, even though I wasn't done with the work yet. It all worked out fine, and no one suffered because I paused to eat a granola bar. Imagine that.