The thing is, when you're working on a relationship, and you're trying, even honestly trying, it sometimes doesn't feel that way to the other person. I knew this-- but somehow I made myself forget. Confronted with the reality of it, I feel haggard. All my energy is going to this, and it's not good enough-- may never be good enough. And I know I'm messing up a lot and I'm nowhere near perfect, and if you want to play the blame game, a lot of the blame is rightfully mine, but doing this by myself is hard, damn it.
And you know what else? I can't say enough of what I need to say on this blog, either. I don't want to hurt feelings and I don't want to tell other people's secrets, and I want this to be about me and not anyone else, but life's not like that. This is about the people in my life as much as it's about trying to get my own shit together. And it's frustrating.
Betties, friends, readers, send me some nice sparkly vibes, if you please. I'll make it through. As soon as I can get up off this floor.
9 comments:
\flutterflutter\ that was me floating over you like the industrious Fairy Godbetty I am and placing a soft blanket over you on the floor. Sparkles, sprinkles, vibes, and comfort, babe.
Vibes comin' your way. You will make it up off the floor. You know that it is not the place for you. Big vibes.
Hugs. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
BB, I'm right there next to you on the floor. But you know something unique about this vantage point? The only place you can look is UP. So let's both pick ourselves up off the floor and get on with life.
Big, bright, flashy, sparkly FGBVs to you!
*dragging giant, heavy cauldron across the floor...*
The cauldron is full of god vibes and liquid strength. Now I am pouring the cauldron all over you.
I'll be more mom-like and get you a quilt, or maybe a pillow. I've been on that floor, but I was covered with a raincoat. When you are done resting and have built up some strength, we'll all help you up.
Julie
It's okay to be sad that things didn't turn out like you'd hoped or expected. In fact, it's healthy to mourn what might have been--for a bit. Please remember that it's a big world out there, and there are opportunities that you haven't even begun to see.
It's okay. As the Japanese say, Fall down six times, get up seven. Oh yeah, and there's all kinds of mad, sparkly, brilliant mojo flying your way.
Thank you, everyone! I can't tell you how much your encouragement means. :)
Oooh and there's that great divide song Never Could that has the cheerier lines "Last night I heard the roadhouse blues on my radio/thought about that night at my place under candle glow/a bottle of wine and we lost track of time/somehow we both wound up on the floor"
see, the floor is nice if you have someone to share it with lol
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